You may be divorced from your ex-spouse, but it doesn't mean that you won't see or talk to that person again, especially if you have shared custody of your children. More and more couples are finding out that they need to find an effective way to communicate after their divorce and accomplishing this will create a lot more harmony in your life.
Ineffective communication after the divorce can create problems for the children and make the adjustment harder for your children. The best option is to remain calm and focus on the needs of the children. There are tips to help you navigate the communication after your divorce:
- Take a step back and think about your ex-spouse's personality and how they like to approach different situations. Tailor your communication to fit this need and let your ex-spouse know your communication expectations.
- Your job is to communicate effectively. Be polite and concentrate on being courteous and treat your ex-spouse as you would like to be treated.
- Be careful about anything you write or say. Try to avoid issues that could affect your future custody issues and if there is something serious to discuss, set up a time to discuss the topic and set some ground rules. If the divorce was contentious, you may need to contact your attorney or mediator if an issue needs to be addressed or changed.
- Treat your relationship with your ex-spouse as a business relationship.
- Take the blame out of your conversations with your ex-spouse. It can make the other person defensive and could break down communication.
Life after the divorce is what you want to focus on, so making an effort to communicate effectively with your ex-spouse will make your life a lot less stressful and it will teach your children how to communicate and respect people that they may not always agree with.
Source: Santa Monica Mirror, "Communicating With Your Ex After Divorce," Andra Brosh Ph.D. and Allison Pesosolido M.A., March 25, 2012